A Lesbian's Journey Through Trauma

Hear me out…I know you were expecting me to say that I am thankful for someone or something. I am saving those for later.

This time I want to say that I am beyond grateful for a place I call home. Granted I am a firm believer that home is where the heart is. At the same time, visiting Tennessee brings me so much peace. Where I live in Georgia reminds me of parts of Tennessee, but it’s not always the same.

When I lived in Tennessee last, I left after going through some really bad times. Tennessee is where I went through my first relationship with a woman…experienced some of the worst trauma I’ve carried with me my whole life. Yet this is how and where I’ve grown.

Tennessee is where I had my first real adult best friend who I still hold very close to my heart. She was a true blessing during my hardest times and I’ve seen her go through a bunch of those too. She only judged me a little.

As a kid, Tennessee is where my entire family met up every year in the great Smokey Mountains. Family reunions were all the cousins, grand parents, aunts, uncles, and even some 2nd and 3rd cousins. Every summer break we got together as a very close knit family. I will never forget it.

Tennessee is where my Nannie and Pappaw are buried in our family cemetery. Right across the mountain from Kentucky.

Tennessee is where I fell in love with women’s basketball. And 40 years later I’m still watching them. Now everyone of the players looks like kids to me. Back in the day they looked like adults. I’ve watched some legends play. Chamique Holdsclaw and Candace Parker were two of them. A powerhouse coach, the Pat Summit. My dad took me to several of the SEC tournaments and I have been so grateful for those experiences. I’ll never forget.

While Tennessee holds some really dark moments…some of the darkest of my life. It equally holds some of my happiest moments. As a kid, before my depression began to grow deeper.

Now Tennessee holds a different beauty for me. It is where my brother and I go every fall or winter. It holds a different joy now. I may struggle to get my ass out of the house at any given moment. But I am in my least stressful moment when I am there.

Would I move back? Absolutely! However now I will just go where life takes me. Love or career. No matter where I am, I will always find my way back to Tennessee.

I look forward to this weekend, back in Tennessee.